conscious

Sometimes there is a moment in your life when you sit down and realize that there are things that need to be re-evaluated. Sometimes I find myself wondering what should be evaluated and what should be left as it is. As of right now I feel like my life needs an entire re-evaluation as to what I have been doing, how I ma going to plan out my future and what really means the most to me. I find that there are people who meant a lot to me but then I realize I was blinded by the fact that i was looking for someone to be close to. I read a quote once that was about the person who helps other people is over looked as someone needing help themselves. It seems as though people are always assuming that the ones that are strong are never going to need help but over the last few weeks all I can find myself doing is either plowing my nose into a book trying to sink myself into someone else's world or someone else's life, or trying to ignore my constant thought. Now that I have a few moments I am going to just write out conscious thought without back spacing what I think would offend someone. This is your one and only warning, if you think you might be offended by something I say turn back now. If you think that you can handle it continue on BUT if you feel the need to confront me do so just know I will be taking no bullshit. here it goes. (grammar nazi's beware... conscious thought is not supposed to be grammatically correct.)

the past few days have been full of anger and misplaced thoughts. nothing that I could imagine burdening someone else with. I have found myself a few times slipping and sending an evil text message to my sister, not aimed at her mind you but just so she could help me through it. Although I do prefer to deal with things myself, I have been dealing with an internal struggle. People trying to intimidate me that are frankly not good at it and they cannot anyways because I am not scared of anyone that doesn't have the mental capability to take on the battle they choose. Someone who thinks they are better than everyone. Well frankly my words to you are fuck off. You are not the better person, just because you don't like how I live my life and how I have lived it in the past doesn't make me a bad person, and it sure as hell doesn't make you a better person for judging me for it. You always say that you and other people are going to have a coming to jesus... well frankly doesn't the bible say that no human shall judge another with human judgement? If you are so with the lord then you should take his words seriously. Yes I judge people, frankly for the benefit of my well being and others well being. But I am not one with the lord and I never take his words and use them and then do the opposite. Now people may be thinking well you just did that you hypocrite. But I an not implementing those words I am just saying them and letting you know what you are no better than I. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and fix some of the things that I have done, or change them so that things like this wouldn't happen. If I could go back and warn myself I would and it would be well worth it. Some people say that you don't live until you have experienced life, well quite honestly I think there are plenty of ways to live life even if you want to back in time to fix something you would have rather not happened, or which choice you know you should have made. In some cases I wish there was not brain to mouth filter in my body and other times I wish there was. I surely do think before I speak but sometimes it would be nice to just let it come out and not give a flying fuck about the consequences. flying by the seat of your pants if you will. Sometimes it happens and then you sit back looking at yourself thinking wow did that really just happen or wow did I really just say that. Most of the time I wish I could just say something and then have the after thought of oh hell yeah I just said that and you have no clue how gratifying that could be. But as of right now all I can think is.... fuck you. If you are so much better than me than step the fuck off......

I read another quote the other day, if you are going to walk out of my life I am going to stop trying and just hold the fucking door open. Also if you have caused me to not give a fuck, good luck trying to get it back....

Surveyed

Well it has been a while since I have done one of these, and it brings me back to the myspace years... but I feel as I have grown I need to evaluate myself as I have come to some interesting conclusions... be prepared - to get to know me, to learn new things, and see all sorts of everything about me - in other words there will be more surveys.


                                                         What is your favorite:
                                                                 
foods etc.

food: Pumpkin Pie
meal of the day: Dinner
type of pasta: Lasagna
desert: Tiramisu
type of meat: Cutlet
vegetable: broccoli (steamed)
fruit: Raspberries
kind of salad: fruit salad with honey and cinnamon not whipped cream.
kind of cookie: Snack wells Devils food
kind of pie: Pumpkin Pie with no crust.
pizza topping: Pineapple and Olives
flavor: Raspberry
ice cream flavor: Cherries Garcia
snack: Salt and Vinegar chips the kettle cooked ones.
flavor potato chip: see previous.
drink: Water
alcoholic drink: Tequila Rose
condiment (ketchup, mustard, etc.): Ketchup
nationality of food (chinese, italian, etc.): Mexican
restaurant: La Roca
breakfast food: BACON
dinner food: Potatoes
salad dressing: Newman's own french
way to eat a potato: Mashed
meal to cook: Cutlets
flavor coffee: White Chocolate Mocha
flavor tea: Peppermint
candy bar: Heath or Butterfinger
candy: Sour Patch kids
snack at the movies: Redvines
way to eat popcorn: with butter and salt.
ice cream topping: Hot fudge.
carnival/fair treat: Cotton Candy
soft drink: Diet Pepsi
koolaid flavor: Cool Blue
thanksgiving food: STUFFING
spice (salt, sugar, cinnamon, etc.): Salt and garlic
                                                                   
Everyday stuff

time to get up: Whenever I wake up.
place to shop: Ross
time of day: 1234 am.
day of week: Friday
month: September
holiday: Christmas or Halloween its a toss up.
brand of toothpaste: Colgate 
brand of shampoo: Nu Skin Epoch Anti-Dandruff,
type of makeup: Pure colors
place to be: on the beach
subject in school: English
class: Social work 101
teacher: Todd Davidson and Mr. Holmes
foreign language: German
historical event: The holocaust - only because it is so interesting to learn about.
city: Seattle
article of clothing: Socks
item you own: my phone. I can do anything with it.
pet: TUBBY
animal: Penguin
color: Green and Pink
season: Fall, its so pretty
type of weather: Rainy - warm rain is the best.
career: Social work
extra curricular activity (dance, gymnastrics, etc.):Bowling
sport: Bowling
party game: Kings cup.
                                                               
 Dating & love

physical feature in the opposite sex: Eyes
personality trait of the opposite sex: Humor
place to go on a date: The movies
thing to do on a date: Cuddle
gift to get from your date: Something thoughtful
flower: Pink Rose
kind of kiss: Smooches :)
place to be kissed:Neck and lips
place to kiss your date: all over the face.
topic of conversation with your date: things that make us laugh.
way to show affection: doing something thoughtful
way for them to dress: they way they feel comfortable.
way to communicate with them (phone, email, etc.): texting or talking
                                                                   
Music, Movies, etc.

genre of music: Alternative and country
band: Lady Antebellum
singer: Josh Turner
radio station: 103.3, 96.9
concert you've been to: Toby Keith, Blake Shelton, Lupe Fiasco.
party music: top hits
romantic music: country songs
way to listen to music (CD, radio, etc.): ipod
music to listen to when you're sad: Country
music to listen to when you're angry: Alternative
song: Right now its Somebody that I used to know
lyrics: any part from Amazed
album: Not sure.
song that relates to your life: Amazed
quote: Wherever I go, there I am
joke: Are you going to uranus to check for klingons?
actor: Jake Gyllenhaal, Mark Whalburg, Mathew Fox
actress: Olivia Wilde, and Evangeline Lily.
comedian: Daniel Tosh
TV show overall: Criminal Minds or Lost <3
reality show: Big Brother
game show: Big Brother
drama: Not sure
sitcom: Family Guy
TV channel: Comedy Central
movie: hunger games, Donnie Darko, the change up, etc.
genre of movie: Comedy, horror, thriller
place to go to the movies:Anywhere.
people to see a movie with: awesome friends
type of movie to see in a theater: thriller or intense movie.

All About You

physical feature: my eyes
personality trait: my ability to listen to people
way to wear your hair: in a messy bun or pony.
way to wear your makeup: dark and complicated
pair of shoes: my toms or my uggs
outfit: yoga pants, tank top, sweater and my uggs
thing that makes you smile: things that go through my mind.
person: :)
family member: All of the ones I am close with
friend: There are too many.
room in your house: My bedroom because it is where I can go and not have to deal with people
place to be alone: outside. 
place to be with your friends: anywhere.

The Internet

website: Pinterest
email host: gmail
IM service: facebook
emoticon: >.< or ^.^
online friend: You know who you are.
blog site: Blogger.com
online game: Battlefield 2142
IM/chat phrase: "wtf?"
search engine: Google
font: central gothic

Travel & the world

type of car: Nissan Xterra <3
form of transportation: Car, you can blast music and sing.
state in the US: Oregon
place to vacation: Oregon for the family, Vegas for the fun
ocean: Lincoln City Oregon!!!
country: U.S.A. considering that is the only place I have been that I liked. 
place to travel: Anywhere fun
type of climate (arctic, desert, beach, etc.): beach not too hot and not too damn cold.
type of surroundings (city, country, etc.): Country and ocean.
natural disaster: Tornado... i guess.
natural wonder: The colors of the world
body of water (lake, river, ocean, etc.): Ocean

Childhood

childhood toy: GLOW WORM
childhood memory: the county fair
childhood friend: Jason
elementary school activity: the day in gym when we would play with the scooters AND the parachute.
place to play: Regatta grounds
game to play: Mario
birthday party (yours or a friend's): my 6th birthday
food as a kid: No bake cookies
way to annoy your parents: leave my shit everywhere
way to get what you wanted: work for it.

Summer

This is me, the summer I believe in, my summer, It is also going to be written in what seems like nonsense, but those who care will understand <3
Summer is:
Messy buns, extravagant make-up, no make-up, neon colored socks, Rain, sunshine, tattoos, hearing that smart ass tone in your brothers voice, kisses from my niece and nephews, bullshitting with your maid of honor, getting a hug from your brother and knowing he means it, drinking so much water you think you will die, watermelon, sweet alcoholic beverages, frozen pre-made daquiri's, beautiful sunsets, ice cream, cruisin' on my bike, those sweet goodbyes, late night conversations, words with secret meanings, criminal minds, bright nail polish, missing my soldier (and knowing he is missed by his babies and my sister), sleeping in as long as possible, trying new drinks, bar hopping, Vegas bound, doing things to give your brother a reason to come "kick your ass", Getting wild and crazy, Xi life, Nutella, Camo, Yellow ribbons, wind storms, catching rays, hunger games, music, making memories, rekindling past times, living with my "child" again, coming home to a tree in your kitchen, surprises, birthdays, care packages, letters, pictures of ridiculousness, and much much more, especially learning that you are becoming who you really want to be!

* Dear friends and family-
Feel free to comment with a couple of your own to connect our lives :) even if they have nothing to do with me, or anything I listed!!!